I noticed..

...that I haven't really felt any other emotion besides some derivative of anger for the past four years.

I looked into her eyes this morning, her slight smile, her high cheek bones and blushing face all reminders of days that could have been seen but never were lived. I saw this morning what could have been and if I said I wasn't depressed and scared I'd be lying. I saw what would have been there on the daily if I had made better choices. I have a knot in my chest that's ever coiling tighter around my heart, constricting anything from getting out. I really have never felt this oppressed by my own guilt.